Saying Goodbye To Betty

Mary Elizabeth Dardeau (a/k/a Betty Lancaster)

July 16, 1925 – August 22, 2023

On the late morning of Saturday, September 16, 2023, family and friends gathered at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Catholic Church in New Braunfels, Texas, to celebrate the life of our beloved matriach, and to say goodbye.  It was a beautiful and moving memorial service, presided over by Bishop Michael Pfeifer.  Most of the family was there, and many friends traveled to New Braunfels to pay their respects.  It was a memorable occasion, as grief and sadness were overshadowed by the joyful promise of Betty in her celestial home, and the many shared memories of this beautiful, energetic, and loving mother, wife, aunt, friend, grandmother, and great-grandmother, who we affectionately called BeBe.  

A Note From My Wife Dorothy, Betty’s Oldest Child…

As I sat down to write about Betty and her life, I realized it was a bit presumptious of me.  Although I knew and loved Betty for almost 50 years (having met her in the fall of 1973, as I courted her daughter, Dorothy), I had no personal knowledge of her life prior to that time.  So I asked my wife Dorothy to write a few words about her mother’s life that perhaps our children and grandchildren might enjoy reading someday.

Dorothy responded to my request by writing the following about her mother: 

“My mother was truly a ‘force of nature’ when we were growing up; she was  full of energy and nerve.  If she saw something that needed to be done, she would do it herself or figure out how to get it done — from chasing down and disciplining kids in the neighborhood who were unsupervised, to establishing (and donating to and soliciting book and money donations from others), along with Babs Rigby, a 4th grade teacher, the first library for Port Lavaca, to getting a park commission appointed (to prevent private use of city park property), to cleaning up the town and planting things, to sewing (on her small Singer Featherweight machine) 2-story tall drapes for our home on the bay, as well as making my dad’s short-sleeved dress shirts with two pockets (since such could not be found in retail stores). 

“She was also very generous, very compassionate, and a great friend to all who knew her.  She volunteered  with various organizations to choreograph, dance, sing, build sets, sew costumes, etc. for many a fundraising event.  She loved to cook, and she learned to pickle, preserve, blanche, etc. and was always bringing food to someone sick or in need.  With her parents being from Louisiana, she knew how to cook gumbo (we had a lot of seafood gumbo) and other Louisiana dishes.   Living on the bay and close to the Gulf, we did a lot of crabbing and fishing, and had numerous crab boils in our neighbor’s (the Milliets) garage.  Mom also decided she needed to learn (and teach us) to make tamales, although we only did it once, making 52.5 dozen beef tamales (we were so sick of tamale smells after two full days of prep and cooking, that we had to freeze them all for several weeks before we could even think of eating any).  Even though this project was also initiated as a check on how many tamales could be produced from the amount of masa, hog’s head, and beef she bought for a lady she paid to make tamales — and proved that the lady was keeping almost half of the tamales — Mom decided that the amount of work involved was worth the payment and loss of final product (and we sighed with relief).  

“Music and dancing was a big part of Betty’s life; it brought her family and many others much joy.  Growing up in Houston with a mother who sang opera, as a child, Betty would come home from her mother’s practices and pick out opera tunes on the piano.  Though never having any piano lessons, she played the piano (and later, the accordion) by ear, and could play anything you could hum or sing to her.  When I was about 5 years old, my parents bought a black and white TV and decided to sell the old, 3-foot tall floor radio we used to listen to.  We went to Victoria, to Hauschild’s Music Company, who said they could only offer a store credit, no cash.  So, we picked out some bongo drums (which my brother Bob played for years) and a ukelele (which I learned to play from Chapman Hemsell, husband of my dad’s office manager, Dottie Hemsell, a/k/a Aunt Dottie #2).  Now we could have hootenannies at home, and we often did!  One day, we were in Hausman’s Music store in Port Lavaca, and she saw a small, 6-bass, 6-major chord, piano accordion.  She thought that should be easy to learn to play, so she talked the owner into renting it to her for a month for $20.  That began a new tradition every December, for about 20 years, of caroling with our church, the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, and neighborhood kids, to those ill, or in nursing homes or the hospital, or grieving for any reason.  Every year, Mr. Hausman would try to get Mom to buy the accordion but she would refuse.  Finally, after almost 20 years, he offered to sell it to her for $30, and she bought it!  (We often wondered if he just decided to offer her a price she couldn’t refuse to get rid of it or if he was giving her credit for all the rental payments over time.)  After that, she would also play at parties, birthdays, etc.  At one point, I recall having hootenannies with friends at our home, and losts of musical instruments — piano, accordion, string bass, guitar, trumpet, clarinet, harmonica, and so on.   Mom had a good friend from Houston (Edna Herzog), from whom she had taken tap and ballet before she was married, and Mom paid her to come to Port Lavaca in the summer for several weeks and teach tap, ballet, and jazz to us and our cousins, Belle, Mary, and Diane.  Our cousins came to visit each summer, and Mom planned all sorts of activities and gave parties for them, one time planning a Hawaiian luau and sewing Hawaiian oufits for all of us.   

“Hospitality was Mom’s middle name; she was always hosting parties, get togethers, clubs, etc. at our home.  We often had Mom’s sister (Aunt Dottie) and her daughters, Belle and Mary, down from Houston to visit.  But most memorable were the Lancaster reunions at Thanksgiving, when Mom cooked for all of Dad’s family (Aunt Lucile and Uncle Tom (and their two boys, Stephen and Dale), Uncle Alden and Aunt Mary Alice (and their son Clay), Uncle Bill and Aunt Betty Lee (and their daughter Diane),  and Dad’s Uncle Frank and Aunt Mimi with their grandchildren, along with various girlfriends or boyfriends our cousins sometimes brought with them, in all, well over 20 people).  Mom would rent a few houses in the neighborhood for the needed beds, and we would eat, sing, play games, and watch football games.  The traditional Thanksgiving Texas A&M vs. University of Texas games were a favorite, especially for Uncle Frank, who had often written lyrics for a tune or two about UT’s latest victories or defeats (particularly the disappointing losses with Bill Bradley as QB), which he would play on the piano and sing for us.  As I recall, the Bradley jingle was called ‘Super Bill Ain’t Super Any More’ (and continued ‘a fact us Texas exes all deplore…’, going through recaps of 4 or 5 games that UT lost that year).  To this day, my cousins and siblings all have fond memories of those reunions.  And, such reunions were the impetus for Tom and I hosting family reunions (of his and my family) at Thanksgiving for so many years at our home in McQueeney, Texas — until a few years after Leslie estranged herself from us, and it became too painful to see our siblings’ grandkids and not be able to see our own.  

“Mom was also an artist, dabbling in oil and watercolor with amazing results.  Near Christmas, in addition to practicing the accordion to be ready for caroling, she would draw Christmas figures, that she would then transfer to 4′ by 8′ sheets of plywood, cut out with a jigsaw, and paint, and my dad would build support structures, arrange spot lights, and secure them to the roof of our house at 1316 West Austin Street in Port Lavaca.  Over the years, she made a Santa Claus, a sleigh, several reindeer, a Christmas tree, packages, 3 wise men, and other figures.  They were amazing, so amazing, in fact, that people had wrecks while looking at them instead of the road! 

“As the wife of a doctor, people often assumed that she had some medical knowledge and, on more than a few occasions, would come to our door with a sick child.  I remember one neighbor (Mrs. Manley) in hysterics bringing a child having convulsions, practically throwing the child into my mom’s arms, and my mom grabbing the child’s tongue, then dialing my father on the phone (a feat in itself using an old rotary phone), asking him to meet her at the emergency room.  However, when it was a family member, Mom was not so calm, and was somewhat hysterical herself when my younger sister Patricia, who was in 2nd grade at the time, was hit by a car and suffered a broken leg.  Instead, I was the one who went to the hospital with my father to x-ray and put a cast on Patsy’s leg.

“I am grateful to have had this extraordinary person as my mother.  Her boundless energy, her kindness, her generosity, her habit of treating every person she met with courtesy and respect, were the bedrock of my youth.  I love you mom, and will miss you more than you know.  Dorothy”

Betty’s Obituary

Dorothy and her siblings wrote the obituary for their mom.  It was published in The Houston Chronicle, The Port Lava Wave, The New Braunfels Herald Zeitung, and The Campus Cub (San Jacinto High School publication).  The online (long version) Herrington Land of Memory Funeral Home obituary can be seen here.  Just in case the online version cannot be accessed for any reason, I have provided a copy below.

Obituary of Mary Elizabeth Dardeau (Lancaster)

Mary Elizabeth (Betty) Dardeau (f/k/a Lancaster) passed away on August 22, 2023 in New Braunfels, Texas at the age of 98.  She was born to Clovis and Helen Dardeau on July 16, 1925 in Lawtell, Louisiana, and was the youngest of three daughters (her sisters were Helen “Tootsie” Dardeau and Dorothy Dardeau Springer), all raised in Houston, Texas.  She graduated from San Jacinto High School in 1942, and attended the University of Texas at Austin.  She married Dr. York Lancaster on December 4, 1948, in New Braunfels, Texas, and they moved from San Marcos to Port Lavaca, Tx. in 1952, where they raised four children.

In Port Lavaca, Betty was active in the Republican Party, the PTA, and the Women’s Medical Auxiliary of Victoria.  She played the piano by ear, designed and made clothes for her family, drapes for our house, and costumes for numerous school productions on her sewing machine.  She loved art and occasionally oil-painted, but was also good with a hammer-and-nail.  She also played the accordion, and every December, serenated those in nursing homes and hospitals.  She supported her twin sons in Boy Scouts and her daughters in Brownies and Girl Scouts, being a troop leader for several years.  She was a proponent of integration in the schools and helped start the future nurses club at the high school.  She was always preserving, pickling, and cooking for her family and those who were ill, as well as many of the Catholic brothers at the Oblate Villa (who spent their summers in Port Lavaca).  She was never idle and provided a great example of being both a dedicated, loving parent, church member, and a citizen.  Betty worked with Barbara Rigby, a local teacher, to get the first library established in Port Lavaca, raising and donating money and books.  She also was responsible for getting the first Park Commission established, to prevent private use of city-owned park land.  She started a clean-up and beautification campaign in the city in 1959, and planted day lilies and oleanders all around the city.  A year later, she solicited help from garden clubs, scouts, family, and friends from Port Lavaca and Victoria, and, rooting all of the oleanders herself, organized and helped plant oleanders to beautify US Highway 87, all the way from Port Lavaca to Victoria — some 27 miles — earning her the nickname “Betty Oleander”.  She belonged to the glee club, and worked with various charitable organizations.  She loved to dance and organized/ choreographed / danced in fun routines for charity events through the years.  She also bowled in a local league, was a formidable opponent in a local bridge club, and enjoyed bird hunting.  She was an active member of Grace Episcopal Church and had a strong faith.  Much of her life was spent in service to others.

At the age of 48, she went into real estate, soon becoming a broker.  After her divorce from York, she married Thomas M. Cunningham, Jr. in November, 1973 and moved to Houston, Texas, where she continued her real estate career for the next 27 years.  After traveling the world with Tom, she was divorced from him in 1986.  In 2000, she retired to New Braunfels, Texas, having rebuilt the home she, York, and their 4 children had constructed with their own hands in 1969 (which was destroyed in the 1972 flood).  She continued playing the accordion and caroling at Christmas, made quilts for her great-grandchildren, helped cook meals at the New Braunfels Food Bank, was a supporter of Hope Hospice and a member of Sts. Peter and Paul Catholic Church, and was still riding her tricycle and kayaking on the Comal River at the age of 93.

She is survived by her four children, Dorothy McCoppin (and Tom), Thomas Lancaster (and Gay), Robert Lancaster (and Jo Anne), and Patricia Long (and David), ten grandchildren, and twenty-one great-grandchildren, as well as beloved nieces Diane Piper and Belle McKinney.  She was renamed “Bebe” by her grandchildren.  Bebe will be missed greatly and remembered for her music, generous heart, fierce spirit, and amazing energy.

Services will be held on Saturday, September 16, 2023, at 11:00 a.m., at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Catholic Church, 138 W. Austin St., New Braunfels, Texas 78130.  In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made to the church; or to Oblate Missions, 323 Oblate Dr., San Antonio, Tx. 78216; or to Hope Hospice, 611 No. Walnut Ave., New Braunfels, Tx. 78130.  Correspondence may be sent to the family at Dardeau/Lancaster Family, 101 East Edgewater Terrace, New Braunfels, Tx. 78130.

As I read Dorothy’s comments and the published obituary, I am in awe of Betty’s accomplishments, her energy, her generosity, and the kindess, courtesy, and love that she bestowed on each and every person she met.  Hers was truly an extraordinary life lived to good purpose!

THE MEMORIAL SERVICE AND RECEPTION

Betty was Catholic, so her children arranged to have a memorial service on September 16, 2023, at the Catholic church located down the street from her house on the Comal River in New Braunfels.  Bishop Michael Pfiefer officiated, a close friend of the family since 1958, when he was a Brother at the Oblate Villa in Port Lavaca (next door to the Lancaster home at 1700 So. Virginia St.).  Bishop Mike was assisted by Deacon Don Maxwell.  (I wanted to mention that Don Maxwell faithfully served Betty while she was at Oak Tree Assisted Living — every Wednesday afternoon he visited her and brought her Communion.  We are very grateful for Don, and his loving and faithful commitment to Betty and her spiritual needs.) Piano music was provided by Gwen Gabriel, a member of Dorothy’s Sunday School class, and Tim Sutherland served as song leader.  Even though the service was delayed by the Bishop being late due to traffic, it was beautiful, and a fitting tribute to Betty and her extraordinary life. 

After the memorial service, those in attendance headed over to the Fellowship Hall at the church for a barbeque lunch.  It was nice to see relatives from out of town and out of state, and it was pleasant to visit with friends who traveled to pay their respects.  A number of people stood before the gathering and told stories about Betty and her zest for life.  

The Bebe Galleries…

Below you will find several galleries of photos that Dorothy and I wanted to include with this blog.  As we selected and inspected our photos of Bebe, it reinforced our love and admiration for this remarkable woman!

Gallery 1

Gallery 2

Gallery 3

Gallery 4

Gallery 5

Gallery 6

Gallery 7

Gallery 8

Three Videos of Betty Playing the Accordian and the Piano…

Below are three videos I made of Betty demonstrating her musical talents.  The first video was made on December 17, 2017, at her New Braunfels River House and shows Betty playing some Christmas music on her little accordion.   The next two videos were made at Oak Tree Assisted Living, while Betty played the piano located in the common area.  Betty’s talent for music was an amazing thing, and, even at her advanced age, the unique flair she had playing these instruments was on full display!

One Final Video of Betty and Little J.D…..

I made this little video of Betty and Little J.D. on Dorothy’s Birthday, February 18, 2022.  Our daughter Liz and her husband David were very faithful about visiting Betty.  Having a visit from Little J.D. always seemed to perk her up.  In this short video, the affection between J.D. and his Great Grandmother is very obvious.  

Epilogue…

A series of strokes made Betty’s last months difficult, but it was inspirational to watch her handle her health challenges with unusual strength and grace.  I am grateful that I have been a part of Betty’s life and her family for the past 49 years.  I will miss you Betty, and all that you did to enrich our lives.  Rest in peace and know that you will live in our hearts for enternity.

Dorothy and her siblings are in the process of moving their father’s ashes from Conroe, Texas, to New Braunfels, where he and Betty will will share a crypt together at Saints Peter and Paul Cemetery, Garden Mausoleum, located at 301 Peace Avenue.  Several years ago, Betty purchased a crypt with space for two, and made the suggestion that perhaps York should be interred there alongside her.  Betty’s suggestion is being honored by her children. 

Update….

 On the morning of Saturday, April 20, 2024, Dorothy and her three siblings met at the Garden Mausoleum of Saints Peter and Paul Cemetery in New Braunfels and witnessed the interment of their father’s remains next to those of their mother.  Prayers were said, thanks given to God for such wonderful parents, and a favorite song (“I Sing a Song of the Saints of God”) was sung (from our days growing up in Port Lavaca, Texas, at Grace Episcopal Church), and heartfelt wishes were expressed as their parents’ ashes were laid to rest for eternity.